Kathleen
by trisana
Summary: She's there, the Phantomette of the Ballet. Why on earth does she look so much like Christine? What will she do to Erik? Especially after they have a fight and she finds a big sword? EOC. Raoul bashing. COMPLETE.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is a parody/romance, as you can tell from the categories (parody/romance). I have to say; this is a bit of total randomness and insanity that I whipped up while in Florida last week. Thank you for appreciating (enduring is probably a better word) this. This contains a bit of sci-fi, parallel universes and stuff like that. So, if that bothers you too much, then you might want to abandon this when it comes to the part that says, 'In a parallel universe,' or something like. (O.o, while it might signify other things, right now signifies the transition between points of view. Normally I'd make them different chapters, but in the cases where O.o is used, the two sections in which the POV change occurs are too short to air separately. Thanks again.) Erik is so mine, it's not even funny. The rest of you claim him, but can you say that the Phantom has gotten you pregnant and have it be TRUE?

P.S. I'm listening to the movie soundtrack. (I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET! CURSES!) What really irks my pickle is that the cover piccie on the CD was developed backward, so Erik has the mask on the wrong side of his face!

P.P.S. Christine is SO annoying, I decided to stick her with the fop Raoul and give Erik to a girl who truly deserves him.

P.P.P.S. I AM NOT BRITISH! I AM A SOUTHERN HICK, Y'ALL! I only use the English system because this takes place in Paris and the Parisians invented the meter, or metre, as I'm suddenly going to call it (I've been reading too much _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy._ DIE ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX!)

P.P.P.P.S I apologize for any discrepancies as far as the setting is concerned. (like if Erik and Kathleen are talking in the middle of the lake. Just use your imagination.) I know the music far more than the setting. This is supposed to be based on the movie, and I haven't even seen it yet. sighs So, any knowledge I have of the setting is from FanFictions and synopses.

Disclaimer: All the characters (right now, at least), except for Kathleen, belong to someone else. Andrew Lloyd Webber, I think. Use Kathleen without my permission and DIE! Email me for permission to use her or any other of my original characters.

O.o

"You try my patience. Make your choice!" This was the Phantom.

Christine trembled. Her love, Raoul, was caught in the Phantom's noose. She could "love" the Phantom by spending the rest of her life with him, and Raoul would go free. Conversely, if she turned her back on the Phantom, she would go, and Raoul would die. This was the choice. The point of no return, as her 'host' put it.

The Phantom spoke again. "Another guest? My, a busy night. Excuse me, my dear, my…well," and he swept out through the portcullis. Suddenly a curtain swished down, hiding from the view of Christine and Raoul the events transpiring beyond.

The new guest was a girl of about Christine's age. She was a study in contradictions. She seemed small and delicate, but, looking closer, Erik saw she was only a small handful of centimetres shorter than he, just under two metres. She seemed to exude an air of strength as she looked up at him. Obviously a dancer, she was wearing a pair of battered black Pointe shoes and a slinky black dress with a ruffle. Yes, a ruffle! Erik winced. He _hated_ ruffles. The girl noticed where his stare was going and winked at him. Yes, she _winked_ at him!

"I hate ruffles, too. This is my cloak," she told him. Then she pulled the ruffle off her dress and unrolled it. It did, indeed, turn out to be a high quality cloak, fine enough that it could be folded up without turning into a bulky lump. She draped it around herself, smiling impishly at the man before her. "I didn't want to go trawling through the bowels of the Opera House looking _too_ much like you. I'm not your wife or anything." Unknown to the other, the word _yet_ went through both of their minds.

Erik then looked at her face. It was a shade paler than his own. She had a full mouth and a small nose. Her hair was waist length and black and covered the entire right side of her face. Her eyes, well, the one he could see, was exquisite. A stunning blue with most interesting emerald chips in it; it seemed change color with each passing second. In short, Erik found her enchanting.

The plot thickens. Erik loved Christine. Christine thought she loved Raoul. _Stupid fop_, Erik thought. Raoul of course, had some feelings toward Christine, but Erik would not call it love. It would be a bit awkward if the love triangle was a circle…

Now, this dazzling stranger could drastically shift the balance of power.

"Where did you come from? Who are you?" Erik asked, unused to a stranger in his opera house.

"My name is Kathleen. I heard the commotion."

Erik nodded. That was plausible. That fop had cried quite loudly when he was caught. Wanting to get a better look at her, Erik tucked the hair which he had thought had fallen in her face behind her ear. Little did he know, it was quite an impressive construction that Kathleen put herself through each morning. That fact was revealed to him, however. The entire area around her right eye was a morass of scars.

Kathleen smiled wryly. "A little over three years ago, I was practicing my ballet routine while walking to rehearsal. I tripped. I had a fight with the street, and the street won. The doctors said I was lucky I didn't lose the eye, then put me in the poorhouse because, though my father was rich, I didn't dare tell him, and my own pocket money that I'd saved up over the years, while substantial, was nothing compared to the bills those swindlers put on me." Her voice turned bitter, then sad. "It was because I was a lone woman, barely more than a child, and had no ties to anyone, or so I said. I had to give up the one thing I loved. Name one time when you've seen a ballerina wearing a mask. I guess you can call me the Phantomette of the Ballet. Some of the ballet chorus girls know of me, but I keep myself under wraps, and so far it's worked out."

The Phantom was astounded. He felt anger that this _person_ could just waltz in to _his_ Opera House and presume to understand him to the point where she _mocked_ his title. Yet, at the same time, he understood her plight, and that was enough to keep her alive, no matter what he might want to do otherwise. He didn't know what came over him next. Wordlessly, he put his arms around the Phantomette.

Kathleen returned the hug and kissed his left cheek. Then she turned a little red. Erik thought it was because he'd been so presumptuous and she felt violated, but it was really the _thoughts_ that were going through her mind. Hastily getting her mind on a _different_ track, she asked her host, "Can I borrow a mask? Having to wear my hair all down in my face for the past three years has really gotten on my nerves."

Erik produced a mask nearly identical to his own from seemingly nowhere. It had a few alterations to make it fit on a female face, should this moment ever come. He'd had a lot of free time to think of scenarios like this. Silently, he handed it over, still thinking he'd violated her and had blown any chances he might have of getting her to like him in any way.

Kathleen nodded her thanks to Erik, to busy with her copious amount of hair to say anything. After putting the mask on, she slicked her hair back with a look of relief. _I never thought I'd be able to do that again_.

Erik marveled at her. He and she could have been twins. "Come, I have two other guests," he said with excessive formality, "and I would like you to meet them."

Kathleen grinned. "Is that fop Raoul tied up?"

Erik marveled even more. "Yes, if it's any of your business."

"Good."

Then, as one, Phantom and Phantomette turned and walked through the curtain to the room where Christine and Raoul resided.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: What do you think of Kathleen? R&R please. Thanks. I'm trying to be witty, but I can't think of anything cause I'm too mad that FanFiction's server is overloaded. Oh well. As you have probably discerned, I'm insane.

Disclaimer: Same as b4

O.o

Not surprisingly, as soon as Erik was out of sight, Christine freed Raoul from the lasso. _Now, will he let us go free, or will he kill both of us? _she asked herself. _It all depends on this new 'guest'._ Christine tried to grill Raoul on the identity of this person, and the consequences of them showing up at that moment. "Raoul, who is this guest?"

"I don't know, my love," Raoul fopped in a foppish way.

"Madame Giry? André? Firmin? Carlotta? Meg? Who?"

"The Phantomette of the Opera?"

"What?"

"They're back."

"It's the Phantomette of the Ballet," Erik and Kathleen admonished simultaneously.

"I can't sing. At least not for real like Christine. I used to sing, though." She looked embarrassed. "I sang tenor, or bass sometimes."

"Well, we'll have to fix your aversion to singing, then. And we'd make a splendid duet, since we sing the same part." _God, I never thought I'd be saying that to a woman._

"Then I'll have to give you ballet lessons to return the favor," the Phantomette said a bit wickedly. And they both laughed.

Christine's mouth hung open. This was the man who just minutes before had been threatening to kill Raoul, and now _laughter_ with some girl who called herself the Phantomette. He'd just been talking about his abhorrent face and how it poisoned his love, but Erik seemed not to have the same troubles with her. _God, they look alike. They even have matching masks._

"I think we scared Christine," Kathleen commented.

"Indeed. She has never heard me laugh before."

Christine could take it no longer. She cried, "What _happened _to you? Five minutes with her and you're laughing and _flirting_!"

Erik's face fell. He again despaired. "If you had not shunned me, you would have done the same thing yourself."

Raoul, meanwhile, had been dumbstruck. He loved Christine, but there was something about the Phantomette. He felt pulled to her, something he felt he couldn't resist for long.

Now the plot _really_ thickens. Erik loved Christine, and probably always would, but he loved Kathleen too, and _she_ returned his love. Raoul loved Christine, but he felt he could love Kathleen in time. Christine didn't know how she felt. She knew she loved Raoul, wanted to get married to him, all that, but for some insane reason, she had a deep-seated jealously seeing Erik happy with another woman. Kathleen loved Erik. She felt nothing for Raoul except contempt. _He's a fop who wears ruffles, and his ruffles don't turn into a _very_ stylish cape._

Kathleen whispered something in Erik's ear, and he nodded.

"She is right. They will be looking for you. Go."

"Oh!" Kathleen exclaimed suddenly, as if remembering something long forgotten. "When you see Madame Giry, tell her Kathleen Daae is alive and well and sends her regards."

"Daae?" Raoul asked. "Christine, that's your name!"

_You think she'd know her own last name without that fop to remind her_, Erik and Kathleen thought in unison.

"Kathleen?" Christine asked. When Kathleen nodded, she exclaimed, "You're alive! What happened? You've vanished for three years!"

Without speaking, Kathleen took off her borrowed mask.

Christine gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" and launched herself at Kathleen, hugging her fiercely.

Raoul and Erik exchanged a look. "Are you confused too?" they asked each other simultaneously.

Which is something you wouldn't even dream of happening until long after the Apocalypse.

Christine and Kathleen looked at their loves and then at each other, and started giggling helplessly.

"She is my sister," Christine told the men, "my twin sister," she amended after Kathleen shot her a Look.

That explains why I was drawn to Kathleen, Raoul thought. I saw Christine in her. 

"After I got out of the hospital without a penny to my name, I came down here. I couldn't bear to face anyone, since just the day before the accident Madame Giry had complimented me on my looks. My pit of torment is a few caves over," Kathleen explained.

Christine also explained, "When you didn't come home from rehearsal, we went to Madame Giry. She told us you'd never arrived. We assumed you'd been kidnapped or something. Of course we looked for you, but obviously we didn't find you."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey guys! I know, it's been a horribly long time since I've reviewed. I've been at Nerd Camp (aka Vanderbilt PTY). Yes, I am _that_ Caroline. Now you guys know why I protested so much to "Erik was eaten by a doggy." Yes, I really do love him with the burning passion of a thousand suns made of sun and one made of fireflies. OMG! (haha) Ok, sorry. Inside jokes from Nerd Camp. Thank you all so much for reviewing. This fic is going to be VERY long, if I have anything to do with it (which I should, since I'm the Authoress). I FINALLY saw the movie AND read the book (which were AWESOME! Hooray for Erik! If I ever go on a date, I'll see whether he really likes me enough for me to go out with him by making him watch the movie with me. Hehe. If "You idiot! There's plenty of women who love you more than that witch! Including me!" doesn't faze him, than he's worthy. Hehe). Interestingly enough, Christine is supposed to be blonde and blue eyed, and Meg is supposed to be dark. Hmm. Oh well. I have to say I give my shout out to _All I Wanted,_ which you should all read, as well as my other favorites. They're well worth your time. And if you find a renowned comic book artist named Anya Weitzman (did I spell your name right?) or a novelist named Demetria Spinrad, tell them you knew me, and you will like get their autographs and stuff. And if you are a renowned comic book artist named Anya Weitzman or a novelist named Demetria Spinrad, yes I just advertised your presence. Now you can never have a career of obscurity. Smile.

Disclaimer: Same as always

O.o

When Meg stumbled in, the four were all sitting on a table laughing at an amusing and witty anecdote Kathleen and Christine told about their childhood. Kathleen and Christine told about their childhood. Kathleen had replaced her mask. Imagine Meg's surprise. She was expecting some horror, but here was Christine and Raoul safe and laughing with not one opera ghost, but two.

Suddenly the female Phantom planted her lips right on Erik's. They were so passionate, they fell off the table they were sitting on. When the pair hit the floor, they started giggling. Then the girl noticed Meg in the doorway and called out to her, "Come! Join us! If you've go a man, bring him, if not, Christine and I can share!"

Then, out of the blue, Christine kissed Raoul. They too hit the floor. They too started laughing. Then an argument broke out. Meg caught only fragments "We were longer-!" "You held on!" and the like.

Meg was utterly baffled. However, she really got disconcerted at what happened next. The strange woman stood up _en Pointe_ to shout at Christine. This was only drowned out by Raoul having an apoplectic seizure at Erik, and Erik yelling back. Suddenly, Christine hit the highest note known to humanity. It was about four and a half octaves higher than Carlotta could ever hope to reach, and beat Meg by eleven easily.

The female Opera Ghost shot Christine a glare. "Do you have to do that?" she asked, rubbing her ears.

"Sorry," Christine shrugged.

"Umm, what's going on here?" Meg asked in a small voice.

Christine rushed through the pleasantries. "Hi, Meg. We're alive and well. This is my twin sister, Kathleen, also known as the Phantomette of the Ballet, and of course you know the Phantom of the Opera. We're having a contest to see who can stay on the table the longest," she told the confused girl.

"Mother! I found them!" Meg called.

Now it was Madame Giry who entered.

"Madame! I missed you!" Kathleen called out, hopping up and running to her teacher.

"Mademoiselle! Kathleen! I have also missed you!" Madame Giry replied, hugging her pupil. Suddenly serious, she continued, "You showed much promise. Do you still remember your routine?"

Meg sniggered. _She was mother's top student three years ago. She hasn't practiced since. I'll bet she can't even do a simple _tour jete_ without falling right onto her face. If she even remembers what moves she was supposed to do._

"I have, indeed, Madame. I've had a lot of time to practice."

"Show me," Madame Giry commanded.

"Very well."

"Well? Proceed."

Kathleen smiled nervously, adjusted her mask, then put her feet in B, preparing to start. Taking one step, she stood up in a flawless _arabesque_. After balancing for a moment, she began to dance.

Meg's jaw hung open. _She learned this when she was _thirteen

Madame Giry looked pleased. Meg just gaped. Christine looked proud. Erik was awed. Raoul, though, had missed the entire thing, as she was too busy fantasizing about Christine.

Kathleen was used to a much bigger stage. As she traveled across the room, she saw that space was going to be tight. She did a leap, and cleared the room.

"No! Kathleen!" Madame Giry cried after.

Erik ran out of the room. Seconds later, they heard a splash.

"That was Kathleen, falling into the lake," Madame Giry told them confidently.

Another splash was heard. "That was Erik, going in after her," said Christine, equally confidently.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: THANK YOU to all of my reviewers. I love you all (platonically). I guess I'll have to start doing responses. YAY! (And yes, I am keeping up the whole metre thingy)

**Hikkifan89**-You're **_SO_** right. HE IS FREAKING HOT :faints at the thought:

**Phreako with a bad haircut**-Thank you. I'm sorry, I'll rush an oxygen tank over there immediately.

**Nixieharpist**-Thicken Thicken Thicken.

**Lady Assassin Moonbeam**-I'm afraid it'll be taking a bit of an angsty turn, but you won't kill me, right:gets in a military bunker just in case:

**Phantomchild199**­-don't worry, no one can spell. If Raoul WAS cheating on Christine (which he might do later, thanks for the idea) Kathleen would beat the living hell out of Raoul with a Pixie Stick™ and then call Christine in to help. I'm still in the bunker. Your daggers cannot hurt me. :runs for the even better safety of a certain cellar in a certain Opera House:

As I mentioned above, it's taking a bit of an angsty turn. But don't worry, lunacy won't be…umm…not here…for more than a few short chappies (but I am going to pull some evil cliffies)

O.o

**Meanwhile in a Parallel Universe…**

(A/N: Same Kathleen, different everybody else. I say the Phantom, 'cause this is the movie and Christine and Raoul don't know his name)

Christine moved toward the Phantom, singing.

_God give me courage to show you_

_You are not alone._

She prepared to kiss him, ready to show him that she would spend the rest of her days with him if only she didn't have to see him kill Raoul. Taking all this into account, she was rather surprised when someone laid a hand on her shoulder.

She screamed.

Two centimetres from the Phantom's face.

She screamed.

She whirled around to face whoever had startled her into screaming.

Two centimetres from the Phantom's face.

Screaming.

Like a bloody baby.

Inwardly, she was cursing herself. What she had been trying to do was get the Phantom to release Raoul, then the second he left her side, take off to be with her love.

She regarded the intruder. Sopping wet, her cape and dress didn't swirl of flow or be slinky like they were supposed to. Christine noted that, and the obvious discomfort that this plight caused the wearer with a curious sense of pleasure.

Christine's eyes skimmed over her face. Pale skin, blue-green eyes, blah blah blah. Her long black hair was half slicked back in the Phantom's style, half hanging in her face in disarray. Between the strands of hair, something bone-white was visible. Something covering her face.

The right side of her face.

It was one of the Phantom's masks.

Altered a little so it fit her face.

Christine tittered. The Phantom was going to be…unpleased…to put it mildly.

OK he was going to be pissed.

Really pissed.

Erik could feel rage growing inside him. _That wench, whoever she is, stole one of my masks!_ But her soaked garments _did_ cling to her in a most interesting way. She was beautiful, at least in his eyes, and that was enough to keep her alive, at least until he found out something about her. "Who are you, and what do you want?" he inquired roughly.

"My name," she said, "is Kathleen."

"That tells me _nothing_."

"I need to talk to Miss Daae privately-"

_She pronounced my name right, _Christine thought. _Does this mean anything?_

"-and to you too, Erik. Privately."

She knows my name? Erik thought. Does this mean anything? 

"What about me?" Raoul inquired.

Kathleen snickered nastily. "You?" she mocked him. "You're a fop who was fool enough to get caught in a Punjab lasso.

Erik looked at her approvingly. She obviously hated the…whatever…as much as he did. The fop was _hardly_ a man, but, somehow, he instinctively _knew_ that if he called Raoul a woman, Kathleen would say, probably with a demonic twinkle in her eyes, "Now, Erik, don't say that. Raoul here's an insult to women everywhere." _How does she know my name? _he asked himself. Only Nadir, Giry, and _maybe_, Christine knew his name.

"Christine?" Kathleen asked.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

Christine drew Kathleen away, out of the hearing range of Erik and Raoul. "What is it?"

"Umm…Christine…do you have a sister?"

Christine looked at her in shock. "I _did_. She's dead, though. Her body was found by the Seine."

"What was her name?"

"Demetria. She was eight years older than me."

O.o

A/N: Haha. A cliffie! Yes, Demetria, I cast you. Yes, I cast you as a dead character, but you might come back later in another parallel universe. I'm not guaranteeing anything, though.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: MEEP! That's all I can think of.

Disclaimer: Kathleen's mine. You know the drill. I realize I didn't do one for the last chappy, but I was just so ecstatic at breaking the Review-Ten threshold (you Star Trek fans out there will know what I'm talking about)

O.o

_Dammit!_ Kathleen thought. _I don't even exist! What's up with that lake?_

"What do you want to know about Demetria for?" Christine asked, unaware of what was going through Kathleen's head.

"Nothing. Just…nothing." _This'll make double dating more difficult._ Kathleen wandered off, engrossed in her own thoughts, leaving a bewildered Christine Daae in her wake.

"Erik!" Kathleen called. When he turned to face her—he had been shooting Raoul dirty looks—she waved him over. "We need to talk privately. Really privately."

Erik sighed. He didn't want to stranger his home. But she was looking at him in a way that said 'do it or you'll be hanging up there with Raoul.' Sighing again, he beckoned to her and led her into the labyrinth (A/N: Yes, I know, this makes Erik look like a wimp, but TRUST ME, he's not).

After maybe three minutes of walking, Erik stopped and faced Kathleen. "Say what you want to say," he told her. "No one but me can hear you here."

She looked at him, appearing as if she was about to cry. She brushed her hair back from her face/mask.

"Well?" he demanded. "Talk to me."

_He was much nicer earlier._

Kathleen just stared at him.

"If you've got something to say, say it! Will you make me make you croak like _La Carlotta_ at _Faust_?"

Kathleen's eyes overflowed, tears cascading down her one visible cheek. "I-" she choked. _Just say it, girl! Say 'I love you' and kiss him! It's not that hard!_ But it was. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Very well, then," Erik snapped. He pointed down the tunnel. "Out's that way. And I'll be taking my property back." He peeled off her mask.

O.o

Yes, short, I know, but I wanted to have the Cliffie of Doom.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hooray to Beverly Vulcan Princess for finally getting up the nerve to read my attempt at a PhanPhic. Even though I've warned most of you, I'll warn you again. DON'T WATCH THE 1999 MOVIE IF YOU CARE ABOUT ACCURACY ANY WAY AT ALL! Email me and I'll give you a detailed list why.

BLISS (yes, I got your review, BVP)

O.o

With lightning reflexes she'd cultivated over the years, Kathleen clapped her hand over her face. She nearly knocked herself out trying to keep him from seeing her. He didn't, not that he would've cared if he had, in her opinion. He just turned and walked back to Christine.

His precious Angel of Music.

Kathleen leaned against the wall, sobbing softly.

O.o

Erik stalked back to the music room. _Who was that woman? _ He regarded the gleaming mask in his hand. The inside of it was coated with her tears. _Who _was _that woman?_

Wait.

Erik took a closer look at the mask. The tears flowed in patterns that weren't normal. But how was he the judge of normal?

He was the Opera Ghost.

Was she…?

No. It was impossible. _Impossible _that there would be some other poor, mutilated soul in the Opera Populaire.

O.o

Back on the lake, Christine was frantically scrabbling at Raoul's bonds, all the while sobbing about how she loved him and how she hated 'that monster.'

Raoul was too busy comforting Christine and sobbing himself.

Neither of them noticed a thing.

Erik stopped short. All he heard was 'the monster.' _The monster. She thinks I'm a monster. A monster…_

The knowledge had the same effect on him as if Christine had dug his heart out with a blunt hairpin, showed it to him, and stomped on it. He'd known since that damnable scene on the rooftop that his Angel loved that pansy. Always, though, he'd held out hope that Christine had cared for _him_, at least a little.

"Christine.." he said, a slight sob in his voice.

She whirled, trying to shield Raoul from him.

Kathleen—who had gone the opposite way of that Erik had told her—watched from the shadows. _When she tramples on you and leaves you to rot, I'll be there to pick up the pieces_, she thought at him while pulling her hair back down.

Christine stared at Erik.

Erik glared at Christine.

"Christine…" he said again.

Christine took an uncertain step toward Erik, obviously trying to placate him.

Someone totally unexpected chose that moment to stand up in the lake.

Kathleen blinked.

Christine blinked.

Raoul blinked.

Erik blinked.

Erik blinked.

With a wordless cry of joy, Kathleen launched herself at Erik. They hugged and kissed fiercely, Kathleen nearly bowling Erik over.

Erik stared at the embracing couple jealously.

Christine blinked.

Raoul blinked.

The man who'd emerged from the lake was Erik. The right Erik. Kathleen's Erik (who will now be called AU Erik)

"Want to go back home?" AU Erik whispered.

"Let's," Kathleen agreed.

They both toppled into the lake.

O.o

A/N: OK, angst over, lunacy resumes. I know the OTHER Erik should be AU Erik, but they go through other parallel universes, and so I'd like some of the characters to remain constant. Don't think it ends here, cause it doesn't.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Yes, this is fluffy. Yes, they kiss a lot. Deal with it. I was watching this romantic dance show and one of the couples was doing a remarkably "Point of No Return"-like dance, so I had to write some fluff. Yay for Beverly Vulcan Princess.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. If I forget anymore, refer to the chappy 1 disclaimer.

O.o

"Umm, what happened?" asked Kathleen. The problem was that Christine, Erik, and Raoul were still staring at them. The same Christine, Erik, and Raoul. The lake was malfunctioning.

"I don't know, my love," AU Erik whispered.

"Let's go swimming, then."

"That's why I love you. You can see the bright side of every situation."

Kathleen smiled. "That's why _I _love _you_. You can see the dark side of every person."

AU Erik raised an eyebrow. "The dark side?"

Kathleen kissed him, whispering into his lips, "Love, I can't see the bright side of anything. If I could, I'd be with Ponytail over there."

AU Erik broke the kiss, grinning. "Let's go swimming."

Hand in hand, they dove into the deeper part of the lake. They surfaced onto a wholly different scene.

O.o

Christine and Raoul were making love. Erik's corpse lay a few yards away. AU Erik's arm tightened around Kathleen's waist. She had to forcibly turn him away from the scene and drag him back under the water.

O.o

Erik was sitting at his organ with his head on the keys, sobbing. The remains of ropes were clinging to the raised portcullis. The boat was gone, and faint voices echoed from the distance. That fateful line.

_Say you'll share with me,_

_One love, one lifetime._

The voices sounded different, though.

Kathleen whispered, "Let me handle this."

"Promise me you won't kiss him."

"I promise." Kathleen kissed AU Erik quickly, then climbed out of the lake. She touched Erik lightly on the shoulder.

He didn't even look at her. "Go away," he snarled. "She left me, life doesn't matter any more, go away."

"Who? Christine?"

He looked up, meeting her eyes with his own, which were red-rimmed. "Christine? Christine?" he mocked her. "Who cares about Christine? She would have chosen even that fool Buquet over me, she told me herself. Why do you think I killed Piangi? Not to get close to Christine during _Don Juan_. I could've just hit him over the head with something if that's what I wanted."

"What-" Kathleen started to ask.

"What I wanted," he continued as if he'd never been interrupted, "was to eliminate my competition."

Realization dawned. It was all Kathleen could do not to laugh. "Har- I mean Carlotta? You love _Carlotta?_"

Erik's eyes glinted angrily. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"It's just," Kathleen said after she could trust herself not to laugh, "I just can't imagine you with that strutting, self-important, pr-_person_ of a diva."

"I loved her. I thought she loved me," he said simply.

"Even after the," and she gave an excellent impression of Carlotta's voice, albeit two octaves lower, "'_Poor fool, he makes me laugh, ha ha ha ha _CRAAK!' episode?"

Erik stared at Kathleen blankly. After a pause, he said, "Excuse me?"

"The _Il Muto _incident," she elaborated patiently.

"Excuse me?"

She searched her memory for something. _Ah ha!_ That oh-so-cold Erik had mentioned something. "Or maybe it was _Faust_? But surely you know the 'craak!' of which I speak."

"There was no 'craak!' in my Opera."

"I _hate _this world and all the other ones not mine," Kathleen muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Never mind. Work out Harlotta leaving you for yourself." Kathleen spun on her heel and waded back to AU Erik.

"How many of these crazy places are we gonna have to go through?" AU Erik asked.

"Who knows?" Kathleen shrugged. "Try again?"

"Sure."

They ducked back under the water.

O.o

A/N: Yeah, I know, fluff. I don't care.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: OK, I quite realize that I have inadvertently confuzzled SOO many people. Kathleen and AU Erik are going through all different kinds of parallel universes. The one where this chappy picks up is a different one from where he loves Harlotta, but not any of the ones they've been to. (This one's based on the book, where Meg's dark haired and Christine is blonde. I'm taking creative liberties. I _know_ they don't kiss in the book, and he sings to her at a different time, but deal with it) Oh, yeah, the Aria Database (worship it) gave me lyrics.

Disclaimer: Do I really have to go through this?

O.o

Erik and a blonde girl were kissing.

"Why am I kissing Meg Giry?" AU Erik whispered/

"Christine…" Erik sobbed.

"How much wine did you have?" Kathleen replied.

"Poor unhappy Erik," the blonde said pityingly.

Erik sang. This seems impossible since he was crying his eyes out, but sing he did.

_Fate links thee to me,_

_Forever and a day._

AU Erik blinked. "My voice _so_ does not sound like that," he protested.

"And what does it sound like?" Kathleen whispered in a sultry tone of voice.

_Fate links thee to me,_

_Forever and a day._

"Not like that."

"You can't say that it's a _bad_ voice. Certainly Meg likes it well enough."

It was true. The little blonde had thrown her arms around Erik at the sound of his voice.

_Fate links the to me,_

_Forever and a day._

"No, love, it's not a _bad_ voice," AU Erik replied. "I just wish he knew some other words."

"So do I, dear, so do I."

"Sing, Christine," Erik whispered.

The blonde began to sing.

_Ah, I laugh to see myself_

_so beautiful in this mirror,_

_Ah, I laugh to see myself_

_so beautiful in this mirror,_

_Is it you, Marguerite, it is you?_

_Answer me, answer me,_

_Respond, respond, respond quickly!_

_No No! it's no longer you!_

_No...no, it's no longer your face;_

_It's the daughter of a king,_

_It's no longer you, etc._

_One must bow to her as she passes!_

_Ah if only he were here!_

_If he should see me thus_

_Like a lady_

_He would find me so beautiful, Ah!_

_Like a lady,_

_He would find me beautiful!_

_Lets complete the metamorphosis,_

_I am late yet in trying on_

_The bracelet and the necklace!_

_God! it's like a hand_

_Which is placed on my arm! Ah, ah!_

_Ah, I laugh_

_to see myself so beautiful in this mirror!_

Kathleen couldn't resist. She let out the famous, "_CRAAK!_" right on the last syllable of the last line.

AU Erik looked at her.

Kathleen looked back.

They both winked at each other.

"She is singing to bring down the chandelier!" AU Erik called.

Erik disentangled himself from the arms of the blonde girl. He looked all around, then noticed the couple in his lake.

At the fire in Erik's eyes, Kathleen realized what an idiot she was. She clung close to AU Erik, one word bouncing around her mind. _Merde_.

O.o

A/N: WHY PARALLEL UNIVERSES? BECAUSE I WANT TO! I AM THE ALL POWERFUL AUTHORESS, MY WORD IS LAW IN THESE PHICS! (When the Authoress is this angry, I suggest BLISS. I'm her other personality, DoktarZumgi, talking. I have German accent, ja.)


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Totally flying blind here. No hard copy or anything :turns white: Oh well, Anya, my muse and TOTAL awesome comic book artist will save me. :taps foot: Anya? Where are you:smiles: I HAVE REVIEWERS! People that I totally DON'T know! Yay:dances around in gleeful celebration:trips over the computer: Worship the Aria Database.

Sorry if this bores you, but I HAVE to do responses again. WOOT 20 reviews! This is unheard of!

**Beverly Vulcan Princess**-Now, now, will Jack get mad if you're telling military secrets all the time:winks: Don't start with raging hormones on ME, sister, YOU'RE the one with TWINS (all others DON'T ASK!)

**Phantomchild199**-Hooray for my most faithful reviewer who doesn't understand the nuances of the Romulan Birds of Prey (aka not BVP). Let me see if I can answer your questions for posterity. Demetria is Christine's sister in the parallel place. Kathleen was never born. Again, in the parallel place this Erik's a different Erik (AU Erik's the right Erik). I clap. :claps loudly in a manner offensive to the Upturned Nose patrons of the Opera (she is still staked out there, remember):

**BONANZA!**-Look, guys, I warned you there were gonna be Parallel Universes, and if you don't understand it's not my problem. Yes, the point is that the ickiness was exaggerated (RAOUL'S HEAD NEEDS TO BE ON A POST IN MY FRONT YARD!). Yes, Carlotta. It's never been done, to my knowledge. I'm trying to be original here.

**Blissful Rose**-I made three people freak out? YAY! I wasn't aware of a Law of Phan Phiction, but I'm quite willing to break it anyway. Holy crap, gotta move, the police are coming. :grins, grabs a laptop, and runs:

Same mixed up Parallel Universe.

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah blah blah.

O.o

"What in the name of Hell are you doing in my lake?" Erik asked.

AU Erik and Kathleen looked at each other then back up at Erik and shrugged.

"You cursed boobies!" Erik shouted. (A/N: I'm SOOO not making this up. In Leroux's book, Erik called Nadir a boobie. I nearly laughed up my spleen.)

"Umm…" Kathleen said. _Can he not think of a better insult? _"Erik, is there some way to placate him?" she hissed.

"Well, we could run away." (A/N: keep in mind that this is a parody)

Kathleen smacked him lightly on the back of the head. "Who are you? Raoul?"

AU Erik grabbed her arm roughly, causing her to curse with words that both Eriks were ashamed of. _Oh great. Now I've got _two _Eriks pissed at me_, she thought.

"_NEVER COMPARE ME TO THAT FOOL EVER AGAIN!" _he roared.

At the noise a pale, sickly looking face surrounded by blonde hair poked out of a door. (A/N: Enter, Fop) He took in the scene, noticing Christine standing rather too close to that Erik for his comfort, and two other individuals standing in the lake of all places, one of whom was wearing a mask, and her hair obscured the other's face. It was the masked one who had woken him up. Uttering a mild profanity—he would not lower himself to the vocabulary used by the Lady of the Lake—he drew his head back into his room and shut the door.

"Anyone else notice the long, uncomfortable silence?" Kathleen asked nervously. AU Erik still had a death grip on her upper arm. "Umm… Christine…" she still couldn't register that the girl wasn't Meg, "why don't you sing us something else. It would probably calm both of them down."

Christine cleared her throat nervously. She didn't really want to sing. She couldn't see either of the faces of the people in the lake, one of whom wore a mask like that Erik used to wear.

"Sing, _mon ange_," Erik whispered.

"If you insist," she said. She cleared her throat again, then began to sing the first thing that popped into her head; Desdemona from _Othello_.

_He seemed so to me_

_He told me to undress, get into bed and_

_wait for him_

_Emila, please_

_Lay out my pure white wedding garments_

_upon my bed._

_Listen! If I happen to die before you_

_Bury me in one of those veils._

_I am sad always, always._

_My mother had a poor maid_

_She was in love and beautiful_

_Her name was Barbara;_

_She loved a man that then abandoned her,_

_And she sang a song;_

_The song of the willow._

_Undo my hair._

_This evening I have haunted memories_

_of this lullaby._

_"She wept singing in the lonely land,_

_the sad girl wept._

_O Willow, Willow, Willow!_

_She sat with her head inclining upon her breast,_

_Willow! Willow! Willow!_

_Let's sing! Let's sing!_

_The willow will be my funeral garland."_

_Hurry; Otello will be coming in a little while._

_"The brook flowed between the flowering banks,_

_She moaned in grief,_

_And her eyes flowed with bitter tears_

_in which her heart sought solace._

_Willow! Willow! Willow!_

_Let's sing! Let's sing!_

_The willow will be my funeral garland."_

"_The birds flew down from branches_

_towards this sweet singing_

_And her eyes wept so much that_

_the rocks pitied her."_

_Here take this ring._

_Poor Barbara!_

_She used to end her song with this simple saying:_

_"He was born for glory, I for love."_

_Listen! I heard a moan._

_Who knocks at the door?"_

_"I to love him and to die._

_Let's sing! Let's sing!_

_Willow! Willow! Willow!_

_Emilia, farewell,_

_How my eyes do itch this evening!_

_Is it the presence of weeping?_

_Good night._

_Ah! Emilia, Emilia, farewell!_

_Emilia, farewell!_

Kathleen looked at AU Erik. His eyes were half closed, and he was swaying slightly to the beat. She knew him well enough to know he was fantasizing about the blonde Christine. He had released her arm somewhere around the third 'Willow! Willow! Willow!'

She snarled, "So, one song and _she's_ back at the center of your attentions." Kathleen shoved him fiercely into the lake.

She stared at her handiwork, then realized that AU Erik could have gone anywhere. He could even be…canoodling…with one of her more…complacent…doubles. She dived in after him.

The pale, blonde head had reappeared during the song, but slammed the door when he saw Erik move even closer to Christine, no doubt wanting to 'congratulate' her.

O.o

A/N: Yes, I know, it went nowhere. I just wanted to have Kathleen get really pissed at Erik so I could break out of the confines of fluff. And any questions you might have about Demetria will be answered.

Kael: (walks in) (looks around) Umm… where am I.

Authoress: Christine, get out of my note.

Kael: (bewildered) Umm… I'm not Christine.

Authoress: Meg, get out of my note.

Kael: I'm not Meg either.

Authoress: (looks closer at KAEL) OOOOH! I see now! I completely apologize, sir.

Kael: Thank you.

Authoress: Raoul, get out of my note.

Yeah, so, it wasn't funny. But Anya and Demetria will understand, if they happen to read it. (DoktarZumgi says "Go to FictionPress, ja.)


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: N/A (meaning I can't think of anything)

Going on to Responses (25 reviews! Let's make it 50, if it's not too much to ask. Tell all your friends about the amazingly confusing thing I've written)

**Beverly Vulcan Princess**-Did you enjoy the rain? And Dun! Dun dun dun dun dun, it's following you again! Oh, and by the way, has Jack brought the kids back yet? I haven't seen a thing of them all day. Same with Erik.

**Phantomchild199**-You let Raoul into where you have your cookies. Shame on you! I appreciate the thought, though. :grins:

**BONANZA!**-Just email me if you have a question. Angry Erik is SOOO hard to write. Sigh. But I was being serious about it. Read the book if you don't believe me.

Disclaimer: Like always.

O.o

Erik and AU Erik were laughing, each doing even more horrendous—and even more accurate—impressions of Carlotta. Suddenly a girl walked in. She looked from one Erik to the other, clearly confused. She closed her eyes, turned around, walked back out, counted to ten and reentered. _Nope, they're still here_, she thought grimly.

"Umm…" she said, looking for which Erik was her Erik, but the two were identical. She closed her eyes and counted to ten again. Still two identical Eriks. She brushed her reddish brown curls back from her face, thinking they had gotten in the way of her vision.

Both Erik and AU Erik were watching her antics with amusement. _Amazing,_ AU Erik thought. _She really can't tell us apart._

"Umm…" she said again. "Am I going mad or are there two of you there?"

"You're going mad," said Erik's voice from the other side of the room. She whirled, but saw nothing. She rationalized this was because it was heavily encased in shadows. "There are three of us."

She turned back, seeing Erik moving his mouth; he was making no effort to conceal that he was throwing his voice.

"Erik, that's not funny," she said with her hands on her hips.

"You know, maybe I should leave," AU Erik said, "There's this girl out there who wants to kill me."

"Well, just Punjab her! You'd hopelessly mar my reputation if you didn't." Surprisingly enough, this wasn't Erik talking, but the girl.

DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!

All three of them looked over at the organ. "That's one talented rat," AU Erik said, looking at the rat climbing on the keys.

Someone tapped AU Erik on the shoulder. "Hello, _my love_," Kathleen said, grinning creepily. Since one could still only see half of her face, her creepy grin was quite creepy indeed.

He jumped in spite of himself, causing the girl to heave an exasperated sigh. The look on her face said, _just Punjab her, for the love of God!_

Kathleen squinted at the girl. "Have we met before?" she asked.

"Not to my knowledge. I'm Demetria."

Kathleen gasped. "D-demetria Daae?" she asked.

"No, but I was." Demetria exchanged a significant glance with Erik.

"Ah, I see. You two are married."

"Yes indeed we are. It took me quite a while to pry him away from my sister, though."

Erik winced. "Don't bring that up again."

"So, have you been enjoying Erik's company?" Kathleen asked, gesturing to the spot where AU Erik was standing. He wasn't there. Kathleen sighed in much the same manner as Demetria had before. (A/N: Demetria Spinrad, I'd just like to have you know that Word says Demetria isn't a word, but the only thing it can come up with is Dementia. Hehe) "Was he pulling the Angry Erik or the Happy Erik when he was here?"

"He seemed to be pulling the Quite Pissed Off Erik," Demetria answered.

"Why?"

"He said that a girl wanted to kill him, and I told him to Punjab her or he'd ruin my reputation."

"_Your_ reputation?"

She bowed formally. "Opera Ghostess at your service."

"Opera Ghostess?"

"Yeah. I followed Mme. Giry around until I learned the secret passageways, and then played pranks one Erik until he left Christine alone."

"And did you Punjab people?"

Demetria grinned, trying to look angelic but failing utterly. "Well, Buquet was asking for it…"

"Thanks for the info, Demetria."

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Demetria asked. "We could share stories about how difficult it is being in a relationship with Erik. I'm sure he'd cook us something fantastic."

"If he were here…"

"Oh great. My Erik took off with your Erik."

"I am your Angel of Music."

"Kathleen, did you say something?"

"No, but I definitely heard something. Did _you_ say something?"

"Come to me Angel of Music."

"Kathleen, this isn't funny."

"Demetria, quit it," said Kathleen, growing quite angry.

"Who is that voice, who is that in there?"

"I am your Angel of Music."

"QUIT IT!" they said together.

"In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came."

"CHRISTINE!" they said in unison.

"One of our Eriks is trying the stunt with Christine again," Kathleen continued.

"Want to go track him down?"

"Have you got a spare Punjab?"

"Sing once again with me, our strange duet."

"That can be arranged," Demetria said, and tossed Kathleen a Lasso.

Demetria pulled out her own Punjab and the two sisters—for there _had_ to be _some_ alternate universe where they were both born—set off, steaming with rage.

O.o

A/N: Ooh… who could it be?


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: OK, I'm updating. Sorry it's been such a long time, but I was busy trying to think up a plot twist. I seriously had a dream about this phic. I could never figure out who I was, although I think I might've been Raoul at one point. :runs off screaming: Woot! Thirty-two reviews! Thanks guys. Cookies and Erik shaped chocolate for you all. (Jack shaped for you, BVP.) And, also, you've got warrior-woman Christine in this. (For all Tamora Pierce junkies out there, imagine Alanna with brown curly hair and green eyes)

**Lady Assassin Moonbeam**-considering my mind went wack quite a while ago, it makes sense that my phic would too. :grins in an insane fashion:

**BONANZA!**-Just between you and me, I only stopped there 'cause _I _didn't even know what Erik it was gonna be. I'm not even sure now, but I've got a better idea.

**Phantomchild199**-Your sister freaks me out. I can send a nice man in a white coat to visit her, though. A lot of them have been coming to my house lately. I can't figure out why.

**Beverly Vulcan Princess**-No hapless ramblings? Are you going sane? And no military acronyms? Oh, I get it. Jack's looking over your shoulder. Jack, review. And you've both got the BLISS song stuck in my head! GAH!

**Maidenhair**-Weird was the intent. I'm glad I succeeded.

O.o

"Erik, why are you doing this? We've been through this already. I'm not going to serve you or sing! You're married to my _sister_! Quit singing me erotic songs!" Christine protested, sitting on the organ bench, having successfully killed the rat that previously resided there.

The masked man merely glared at her. (A/N: I'm just calling him 'the masked man' so there's no clue to his identity.)

O.o

Kathleen was dragged at full sprint through the passages. And sprinting is not something that is easy to do in pointe shoes. She could break an ankle if she wasn't careful. (A/N: I know. I've tried.) Demetria was forced to take the long way, as some Erik and Christine were on the short way.

Sometime later they arrived at the mirror and retraced the steps of the two. By this time, both were wishing they were wearing pants and about to faint from their corsets.

O.o

The masked man came over to the organ and stood over Christine, clearly about to say something. Christine beat him to it, though. Standing up on the bench so she would have the height advantage, she near-yelled, "_Look, Erik, I don't care **what **you're going to say. Return me to my dressing room this **instant**!_"

The masked man stood up on the bench with her, holding her arms so she couldn't slap him, as was clearly her intent. So instead she kicked him hard in the shin and down he went, falling unconscious on the floor.

Christine surveyed him with an amused expression, then sat down primly and waited for the cavalry to arrive. _I know Demetria well enough by now to know that she is not going to be not a happy camper_, she thought. (A/N: _Still _trying to be original here. Haha. _Erik _fainted this time instead of Christine. Haha.)

O.o

"So, Demetria, even if it is your Erik with Christine, can I help?" Kathleen asked, grinning menacingly. She had stowed her Punjab somewhere in favor of a longsword with a dragon on it, aka a dragon longsword. (A/N: Hehe, BVP) At this statement, she waved it in the air vaguely.

"Fine, as long as you let me help if it's yours."

"Deal."

"_Look, Erik, I don't care **what **you're going to say. Return me to my dressing room this **instant**!_" came Christine's yell.

"Your Christine is quite feisty," Kathleen commented.

"Yep," said Demetria. "She would've been a better Phantom than my Erik in some ways."

"It sound's like they're in the lair," Kathleen said.

"Well, then let's go!" said Demetria.

O.o

Kathleen and Demetria came stampeding into the lair, by way of the third cellar instead of the lake, as Kathleen didn't want to risk being transported somewhere before she utterly destroyed Someone like an enraged dragon.

The sight they saw was one that was quite intriguing. It seemed a role reversal had occurred. Christine was sitting at the organ scribbling on something, while the masked man was unconscious on the swan bed.

"Hi, Christine," Demetria said.

Christine turned around surprised. When she recognized her sister, she smiled. "Hey, Demetria. I'm sorry I had to knock your husband out."

"We're not even sure it's her husband," Kathleen said darkly. The masked man chose that moment to wake up, staring wide-eyed at either Kathleen or Demetria or both. Kathleen swished her sword menacingly. "So, monsieur, are you my Erik or her Erik?" she asked, gesturing to Demetria.

He refused to speak.

Demetria threw her lasso around his neck expertly. "_Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes,_" she mocked him.

His eyes bulged as he fought for air.

"Aw, c'mon, Demetria, at least let him tell us who he belongs too before you kill him," said Kathleen.

Grudgingly, it seemed, Demetria slackened the rope enough that he could breathe and speak. "Who are you?" she demanded.

"Erik," he said.

"We know _that_," said Kathleen. "Are you married to Demetria or not?"

He rolled his eyes, causing Demetria to tighten the lasso slightly.

Kathleen made more threatening swishy movements with her sword. "I got this specially made in Arda," she commented to no one in particular. "Is this parody enough to have an Authoress who can tell us who he is?"

_I guess there has to be, at least for now, since there has been so little of the romance lately _appeared in the air, an eye-smarting shade of green. The writing wasn't swoofy, but it wasn't messy either, and the 'a's were done strangely. They were an upside down 'v' with an 'o' on top.

"So tell us. Is he her Erik or mine," said Demetria.

_Nope, sorry. I can't tell you. Figure it out yourself _appeared.

Kathleen steamed. "You just don't know yourself."

_Look up._

Kathleen looked. There was an anvil hanging above her head.

_A…regrettable…effect befalls those who offend the Authoress._

"Have you actually _killed _anyone?" Demetria asked doubtfully.

_Buquet was asking for it._

"I don't know what planet you're from, but _I _killed Buquet," Demetria said.

_Sorry. You're just deluded._

"Well, duh!" said Kathleen. "She's a by-product of _your _imagination, you nutcase."

_Thank you._

"Can you tell them anything _useful_?" Christine asked. "I want her to get her vengeance so I can look at her really cool sword."

_Ok. Fine. That sword was custom-quested in Arda, you know._

"Yes, we _know_," the three said together.

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to another Authoress. Here's a useful fact. Erik's escaped.

It was true.

"**_GAH!_**" yelled Kathleen. "How could you write this?"

Now I can tell you. He was your Erik, Kathy.

Kathleen retained her composure enough to say, "Don't ever call me Kathy."

Whatever. Just know that there's still an anvil over your head.

"Go jump in a lake."

Actually, you should. That's where he went. Assuming you still want your vengeance, that is.

"'Bye, Kathleen," Demetria said.

"I hope you find your Erik, and he's not cheating on you," Kathleen replied, and jumped in the lake.

O.o

A/N: Sorry. It just wasn't parody enough, and the romance has abandoned the scene for a while. Behold, my home planet, Tamaran. Is it not the most beautiful place your eyes have ever observed?


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I regret to say that this phic is coming to a close. It will be a very anticlimactic close, so you have initiative to try to convince me to write more. And FWI, they're back in the normal universe now. Oh, and visit my homepage. Look at the link on my profile.

**Lady Assassin Moonbeam**-romance, you ask? Hmm…maybe.

O.o

"What do you mean, he's not here?"

"Seriously, he's not here! He just ran off, claiming a crazy lady with a sword was after him!"

"You've seen my sword collection, Christine! You're my sister! You should've known the 'crazy lady with a sword' was me!"

"_Sorry_," said Christine meekly. "If it's any help, he went that way," she pointed down a corridor.

"Thanks," said Kathleen. "Here, hold this for a minute." She handed Christine her sword. "You hold these." She handed her shoes, which she had just removed via ripping the ribbons off, to Raoul. "I'll take this." She took her sword back from Christine. "And off I go!" She took off down the aforementioned corridor, barefoot save for her tights.

"What do I do with these?" Raoul asked.

O.o

Kathleen caught up with Erik in a fork in the labyrinth when her tights slipped on a puddle. She went flying toward him, completely off balance. She had to fling her arms around his neck—nearly running him through in the process—to keep from falling and running herself through. "Hi, Erik," she gasped, far too busy trying to extricate herself from the iron hand Erik had grabbed her sword-wielding arm with to be creepy.

Erik turned and regarded her, still not letting loose his grip on her arm. That sword looked awfully sharp. She looked much the worse for wear than she had when she first arrived in his lair. Her hair was obviously knotted incredibly, and a misjudged flailing action with her sword had made a large chunk of hair on the left side of her face a goodtwo-thirds of a metreshorter than the rest. Her shoes were gone, leaving only trailing ribbons somehow still clinging to torn tights. Her dress sported an interesting slit horizontally across her stomach where she had clearly tried to cut her corset off, without success, as well as many other rips and tears. Add all this to the small puddle of water that was dripping off of her and gathering on the already damp floors.

Kathleen stared back at him evenly.

Completely unexpectedly, she pulled a dagger out of one of her sleeves—the one that wasn't torn off to above the elbow—and poked Erik with the pommel end. It was enough of a distraction for her to get her arm free, plant a kiss on his lips, and run off along the right fork.

Erik blinked, stared after her for a moment, and then start off himself along the right fork. He had reached the first of many mind-bogglingly complicated turns, spirals, and dead ends when he heard a stream of curses rend the air. _Clearly Christine's sister possesses less of Christine's innate innocence and modesty than I first thought, _he remarked to himself, before tuning in to see what on earth she was screaming obscenities about.

"—stupid wall, it took three hours to get this blade sharp! I bet your mother was a—" Erik had gotten the general gist of her rage. Clearly the wall had done something to her sword. Apparently the wall had a mother, also, who had done some very unlikely things with assorted members of the animal kingdom. He followed the sound of her voice—not a hard task—and came upon her screaming at one of hundreds of dead ends, the hilt of her sword in her hand, the blade on the floor, and a large scratch visible on the wall.

O.o

SOME WEEKS LATER

Kathleen was wearing new clothes, a blazing red bodice with an emerald green skirt embroidered with gold and a raven black cloak with silver embroidery and a navy blue lining. She was kneeling on the floor with a threaded needle, trying to fix _some_ of the gaping holes in her favorite black dress. She brushed the short portion of her hair out of her face _again_, and glared death by decapitation, burning, hanging, and anything else she could think of at the remains of her sword on the mantelpiece. In her rush of hatred at what had once been her most prized possession, the thread had dropped off the needle _again_, so she had to rethread it _again_, decapitating her fingers _again_. _At least it's not a white dress, or it'd be maroon by now, _she thought. "What are _you _looking at?" she demanded of a figure in the doorway.

"Oh, nothing," said Erik innocently.

"Look, just because _you're _an expert sewing…person, because you've had to mend your own clothes for the past fifty million years-"

"I'm not _that _old."

"-doesn't mean that everyone else is, or that you have to laugh at people making an honest effort at the stupid pastime!"

"Yes, dear," said Erik, pretending to be meek. They both knew their lines well. They had been having this particular argument for quite a while now.

_Well, at least Erik makes sure his wife is properly outfitted, _Kathleen thought, looking down at her rich garmets.

O.o

A/N: It's the end! But you _can _make me write a sequel. Simply review!


End file.
